"I could no longer claim that I had no clear perception of the truth - the excuse which I used to make myself for postponing my renunciation of the world and my entry into your service - for by now I was quite certain of it. But I was still bound to earth and refused to serve in your army. Instead of fearing, as I ought, to be held back by all that encumbered me, I was frightened to be free of it [Emphasis added.] ... I was quite sure that it was better for me to give myself up to your love than to surrender to my own lust. But while I wanted to follow the first course and was convinced that it was right, I was still a slave to the pleasures of the second. I had no answer to make when you said Awake, you who sleep, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give you light. You used all means to prove the truth of your words, and now that I was convinced that they were true, the only answers I could give were the drowsy words of an idler - 'Soon', 'Presently', 'Let me wait a little longer'. But 'soon' was not soon and 'a little longer' grew much longer. It was in vain that inwardly I applauded your disposition, when that other disposition in my lower self raised war against the disposition of my conscience and handed me over as a captive to that disposition towards sin, which my lower self contained. For the rule of sin is the force of habit, by which the mind is swept along and held fast even against its will, yet deservedly, because it fell into the habit of its own accord. Pitiable creature that I was, who was to set me free from a nature thus doomed to death? Nothing else than the grace of God, through Jesus Christ our Lord. [Emphasis original.]"
[1] Saint Augustine, Confessions, translated by R.S. Pine-Coffin. Page 165. England: Clays, Ltd, St Ives, plc, 1961.
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