The Religious Vows

The vows of the religious scare me because I know I could never live up to them if ever I had sworn to abide by them.  It has always been my philosophy that one ought not to take those vows unless one adheres to them without exception, no matter how difficult, no matter the intensity of the temptations. [1] 

Further to my point, I have read today in Canto V of The Divine Comedy, The Paradiso by Dante, the words of Beatrice [2]:

"Of all creation's bounty realized,
God's greatest gift, the gift in which mankind
is most like Him, the gift by Him most prized,

is the freedom He bestowed upon the will.
All His intelligent creatures, and they alone,
were so endowed, and so endowed are still.

From this your reasoning should make evident
the value of the vow, if it is so joined
that God gives His consent when you consent.

When, therefore, God and man have sealed the pact,
the man divests himself of that great treasure
of which I speak--and by his own free act,

What can you offer, then, to make amends?
How can you make good use of what is His?
Would you employ extortion to good ends?

..."

What that means, as explained by translator John Ciardi, follows:

"THE SANCTITY OF HOLY VOWS.  Dante has asked if a man may not, by other good works, make amends for an unfulfilled vow.  Beatrice replies that God's greatest gift to man is his free will, and that a vow is a direct compact with God wherein man, of his free will, offers that freedom back to God.  Once God accepts, the man's will is no longer free for it has been given to God.  How then is a man free to will what is good, his will and freedom now belonging to God?  To assert a free will that is no longer his is to seek to embezzle his way to the good." [3]

[1]  I am spiritually weak and lack the requisite unwavering commitment to holiness which each and every religious ought to have.  Therefore, I have never taken those vows and probably never will.  Because of this fact, I am sad for myself, a sadness only my Free Will can cure.  This is one of the heavy crosses I bear.  I choose to bear this heavy cross because the heavier cross of hypocrisy I would not be able to bear.
[2] Alighieri, Dante. The Divine Comedy. The Paradiso, Canto V, page 632. Trans. John Ciardi. New York: New American Library, 2003.
[3] Alighieri, Dante. The Divine Comedy. The Paradiso, Notes, page 635. Trans. John Ciardi. New York: New American Library, 2003.