Healing The Wounds Of Acedia (Sloth) - An Unexpected Conclusion

After spending some time making refinements to the last entry on acedia this morning, this blogger was so troubled that he did not quite know what to do with himself.  For the first time in months, he felt the urge to attend Mass, but instead of getting himself ready, he searched online for the next Mass.  By the time he was done, all of the morning Masses were over or in progress.  There was only one church that had a 1 p.m. Mass and a few with evening Masses.  This blogger ruled out all the evening Masses because he did not feel like attending one.  In the back of his mind, he knew that if he did not attend the 1 p.m. Mass, he would inadvertently miss all of the evening Masses.

His inexplicable inner turmoil drove him into action even as he thought that it was too early for him to take a first step in confronting his acedia, and that it was fine for him to miss the 1 p.m. Mass for there was always next Sunday.  The forces that compelled him to leave his home apparently had a different idea.  He was there about 20 minutes before Mass began, hoping to make a confession, but there was nobody in any of the six confessionals even though the church's website indicated that confessions were available prior to each Mass.

For a while he stood around and waited.  When it was clear to him that nobody was going to show up, he entered one of the pews and knelt down.  He reflected on what just happened, or rather what did not happen.  He did not enter the church with any sense of awe or any degree of reverence; he did not feel inner peace's welcoming and unconditional embrace; and nothing entered into his heart to heal the wounds of acedia.  He continued kneeling.  When his mind went blank, he sat down until Mass began.

When the priest reached the alter, he stood and announced to the congregation that today was the Feast of Corpus Christi but the name was changed to include not just the body of Christ but also the blood of Christ.  The new name is now the Feast of The Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ. The priest told the congregants that on this special occasion, they can receive both the Body and  the Blood of Christ.

Upon hearing this announcement, this blogger knew why he was being pushed out the door by some invisible force -- the inexplicable inner turmoil -- to go to Mass this  Sunday, not next, for next Sunday he would have missed the Feast Day which the Blood of Christ was also dispensed along with the Body of Christ, and he would not have even known about it.

To partake in the Lord's Supper properly, one must have confessed one's sins.  Since no one was available for this blogger to confess to, he was hoping that the priest would have everyone say the Confiteor:

I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God. [1]

That did not happen, so this blogger said it in his heart because he had gone to Mass specifically to receive the healing Body of Christ; moreover, to be able to have the Blood of Christ on this special Sunday, the Feast of The Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ, was particularly important to this blogger since his sins of sloth needed to be forgiven by the Most Holy Blood of Christ. [2]

If saying the Confiteor was an insufficient preparation for this blogger to receive the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ, the tears that flowed down this blogger's cheeks when he joined in the singing of one of the hymns had sufficiently opened the wounds in his heart for healing and forgiveness to enter simultaneously.  Toward the end of the hymn when he was overcome by his urge to cry and could no longer sing, he felt cleansed and he felt whole, and that was before he received the Holy Communion and the Blood of Christ.

There are apparently many ways and many points in time for a healing to take place.  Today, in a very different way and at a very different time than expected, a healing took place. The one imagined by this blogger in his last entry did not work for him.  Something else did.  This evening, he is at peace.



[1] http://www.diocesefwsb.org/Data/Resources/6663dac75f6f855c122a9e90bdc5b35e-Article-3-Confiteor.pdf
[2] https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Matthew%2026%3A28